How to understand yourself better

I often see influencers, YouTubers, and people in the wellness world talk about the importance of journaling and daily affirmations. And yes, I think it’s important — I truly believe everyone should try it. But… what else? Is journaling the only way to become the best version of yourself and stop overthinking? Absolutely not.

For many years, I’ve tried to understand why I struggle with overthinking — why sometimes my own thoughts can hurt me in a way no one else ever could. Eventually, I started to understand how to deal with it. It’s not a joyful road; in fact, it’s a very hard one. But it’s also the most important if you want to truly get to know yourself.

When I started therapy, I realized something: sometimes, when I said my thoughts out loud, they sounded almost ridiculous. And other times, when I was simply telling a story, I would suddenly think, "Wow… that was really painful." And in that moment, I finally understood why I act the way I do in certain situations.

Today, I want to share three introspective questions to ask yourself — and really think about. They might hurt, I won’t lie. But after reflecting on them, you’ll start to understand why you think and behave the way you do.

1. Track your reactions for three days.

Make a list of everything that bothers you or makes you uncomfortable — no filters, just write whatever comes to mind. Then go back and look at them one by one. Ask yourself:
“Why does this make me feel so bad?”
Analyze the emotional impact. Often, the things that bother us in others are reflections of things we’re missing — or hiding — within ourselves.

Example: A classmate told you something really good happened to them, and you instantly felt bad. Ask yourself: “Why?” Maybe the real thought is: “Because they got something I’ve wanted for a long time.”
This is the moment for a little introspective talk: “I’m worthy. I’m capable. I’m happy for them. Just because they got it doesn’t mean I can’t.”

2. Ask three close people how you react in moments of conflict.

Choose people you trust and feel safe with. Their answers will give you valuable insight into your behavior and personality — things you might not notice on your own.

3. Make a list of the biggest decisions you’ve made in your life.

Now ask yourself:
Why did I make those decisions?
Was it because you truly wanted to? Or because someone else expected it from you? To be liked? To feel accepted?
This will show you whether you’re living your life according to your own values — or someone else’s.

4. Identify your core wound.

Is it abandonment, rejection, humiliation, betrayal, injustice...? Try to find yours. That wound is often the root of your self-sabotage. And until you recognize it, you won’t be able to heal it.

This is not just about liking yourself — it’s about recognizing yourself and understanding yourself. It’s a difficult path, but you can’t love what you don’t understand.
So, it’s up to you to get to know yourself… and make peace with who you are.